My mind was either a beautiful tool of creativity or my heart’s truest enemy of deception. I’ve said that before so why did I need someone to remind me? Perhaps it was to feel how sweetly the snow fell that morning, like faint kisses on top of this drowsy end. Or a moment to escape and be reminded of how beautiful connections will exist for me too, but they happen naturally, like this. I feel like a fraud with what I like to call the chaotic stalemates occupying my mind and they’ve seen their fair share of madness, which is so far from what I want for my life.
I think of how nice it would be if flaws were like figurines. Collected one by one yet effortlessly, we’d place them back upon the shelf. My flaws are not like figurines. They are not assembled in any particular way, and although I try, it isn’t easy for me to simply “let them lie. “
What do you hope for most in your life? I’ve been asking this question a lot lately. And I’m starting to recognize that we all hope for life’s richest yet simplest things. In the way, we pray for peace. For the health of our families. We envision a successful conclusion of our life as one filled with love and laughter.
But then I’m reminded how what we give is what we receive. So all that currently surrounds me must be a representation of all that I’ve been offering. And there’s this verse that I recall which grounds me every time for it says:
“Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, and it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.”
My inclination to openly and in my own vague yet descriptive way expose vulnerable moments in my life via a public forum is like a beautiful escape for me. I don’t know if I can claim any bravery in that. For I also know I tend to run away. But I do think there’s something holy in sharing a continual process of learning.
So here I am once again, open yet vaguely to admit that I feel defeated in saying that I’m still (in a new sort of way) learning to figure things out. A simple reminder when you’re stifling to obtain what you want in life…
“You’re growing and the growing pains will always be hard, but each time you’re getting better equipped to handle it – to get away from it. You’re going to end up finding what you want and when you do, you’ll be glad you went through all of this stuff.
So even when I feel as though my mind is either a beautiful tool of creativity or my heart’s greatest enemy and it’s playing all of its cards against me there are these subtle reminders in the simplest of moments. It’s how I’m learning to express the emotions I have verbally, the ones I’ve felt too afraid admit if not indirectly. It’s how I know that sometimes all it takes to get something done is continually try at it. And it’s definitely what’s helping me to learn how to give more of what I wish to receive, in learning to love all the oddities of what makes me, me.
But isn’t that simply how beautiful things get built? Through this process of breaking down and restructuring a space in all the aspects of our lives that we don’t feel at peace? To know that there doesn’t always have to be a rise and fall of something promising
And sometimes, the spirit it takes to obtain the things you want most in life is as simple as that. To simply embody the kind of heart and mind it takes for love to create an opening. I don’t know if I’ll ever get this part right, but I do know I just want to love people in a way that makes me feel loved too.
with a loving reminder,
#lifelessons #alipptolend #writeitout